One Year Ago

One year ago I slept in bed next to an empty crib.  His clothes were folded and stored neatly; toys organized in bins- the life I planned for him all tucked away on shelves and in drawers- waiting for the day when he would come home.  One year ago, I didn't know when that would be, but hoped and prayed so very hard it would be soon.

I thought of him in the crib where he was, at the orphanage across town, and wept.  Who kissed him goodnight?  Who sat with him when he couldn't sleep?  Whose was the face he saw when he woke up in the morning?  Answers I didn't have, and didn't really want to know.

~

December 15, 2010 was a normal morning for me, running work errands around town- until I got a call.  Up until this point, my social worker had never called me.  I had always been the one to call her to check how things were progressing- and up until this point, she never had anything decisive to report.  I hadn't yet even gotten a real "YES" about taking home this little boy.

She said everything so matter of factly, "Your papers have been signed, you can come get them."

"And so, after I get the papers, I can go get HIM?"

"Yes, you can."

"Like, today?  I can go to the orphanage, pick him up, and take him home to stay with me?

"Yes, I said that already."

I hung up the phone and started to cry.  They said yes.  They said now.  As of that day, I would be his mother.  He would be my son.  Forever changed, just like that.

It's how He works, don't you think?  Eternities altered in a moment- though planned and purposed from before time began.  Tonight I sit in bed and am so humbled and thankful for the past year.  So many challenges.  So many joys.  So much life.

Here's to one year and a thousand more, my beloved boy.  May He be glorified in each and every one of them.

Celebrating Friends

I want to introduce you to my sweet friend, Sophie and her daughter, Natasha. I have a tender spot in my heart for this family for lots of reasons...first and foremost, Sophie and I are walking on similar paths. She is only 22 years old, living as a single woman here in Zambia, and has been called to be a mother of a beautiful former-orphan. As I am sure you have guessed, we have become FAST friends. Secondly, Natasha lived in the same orphanage as Joab- and though we are not sure if they remember each other, it is still so sweet to watch them play together. Thirdly, I so admire Sophie and the way she has fought for this little girl. Her persistence (it took over a year and a half to get everything in order before Natasha could come home) so mirrors that of our Father, and I love the way she is showing that part of God to the world.

 I had the absolute privilege of hosting a shower for these lovely ladies today, and it was such fun! Most of you know that I love to cook, especially for a party, even more so if it is to celebrate a dear friend. Here are some pictures from the day...

I love this last one of Jo and Tash- I think their favorite part was the "after party."

God is His Father

When I first met Donald Musebo at an orphanage near our house, I didn't think much else except that he was super cute! His big, beautiful eyes were deep, but he hardly ever locked them with mine long enough to search them out. To him, I'm sure I was just another adult among the slew that walked in and out of his life all day.

The director of the orphanage had asked Special Hope to visit this little guy because it was believed that he had Autism*, and so we gave a brief synopsis to his caretakers that first day and scheduled a full assessment for later. It was in between these two meetings that God began to stir in my heart.

Verse after verse, I couldn't escape it...

He executes justice for the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. Deuteronomy 10:18

Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation. Psalm 68:5

The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless. Psalm 146:9

Donald had been fatherless for over 2 years when I met him, and it showed. In the way he ignored, in the way he stared blankly, in the way he didn't care. He was fatherless and felt it.

During my time spent in the word and in prayer, God made it clear. HE was the Father of the fatherless. HE was Donald's Father.

And I was to be his mother. I was to step in for the mother who birthed him**, and mend the wear and tear those lonely years had left.

To celebrate this restoration, and to mark this new life being birthed- God whispered a name. Joab. Hebrew for "God is his father." A promise written over his life- that no matter what, he would never be left alone. That even in those lonely years, God was still there, purposing and planning every step.

Watching him grow and change over the last 9 and a half months (!) has been my utmost privilege. I love that I get to be the one to remind him of that promise, even with every call of his name. My son, His son...Joab.

Then...
























Now...


















*More on this later this week.
**Read this post about Donald's mother.

Ta Da!

Joab's quilt is finished! Such a fun project, and I'm excited with how it turned out. These pictures, however, could definitely be better, as none of the colors are quite right. Oh well- I hope you enjoy nonetheless...










































I actually chose the fabrics for the quilt based on this quilt that is already hanging above Jo's bed. It was given to him by his sweet Cuz-Aunt Mary at our baby shower in May. I love the colors in it, and even more the hundred wishes it lists for Joab. I often use them as inspiration when I pray for Jo before he goes to sleep...



























My three favorites are "Compassion," I hope one day that Joab is able to show the same compassion the Lord has shown him; "Perseverance," the Lord has chosen a seemingly hard road for Jo, and I pray that He will also give him the perseverance needed to walk it; and "Cheerfulness," Even more than just walking the path before him, I hope God gives him grace to do it with a cheerful heart.

Thanks so much to my Mom, who taught me everything I know about sewing; Sarah, who let me borrow her machine (and just for being a good friend here in Lusaka); and to Holly and Eric for their helpful input along the way!

Fun Day!

Well, our first day of Mulungushi Homeschool went quite well! Got Joab's visual schedule made and put into action...

























And this afternoon, as part of our "outside play," we broke out the sprinkler! Jo was a little skeptical at first, but then (as you can tell in the second pic) HE LOVED IT!


















































I also got started on all the measuring and cutting for the quilt- I got the design from an old Martha mag (don't care what you say, she will always be my go-to gal), it's super cute and I cannot wait to show you the finished product!

You Still There?

Gosh, I hope so, though I know I've given you very little incentive to be checking in these past few months. I cannot believe that two months have gone by- they have been so full of work and fun and growth, I'm excited to share more with you. This week, Special Hope is taking a few days off (Zambia has its Presidential Elections, and though we are not expecting any significant violence, we are still hunkering down at home to be on the safe-side), and I am going to take that time to get back into this blogging business. I have lots of things planned this week (you know me, always a-planning)...

-Making these fabrics into a really fun quilt for Joab...



















-Playing homeschool mom and getting a bunch of stuff organized into a mini-classroom for Joab...



















-Being outside a lot, Zambian weather is beautiful this time of year...






















(Read this post I wrote about these trees when they were in bloom last year)

-Writing more about Joab. You can tell he is the theme this week- and in planning, I realized that I haven't actually written very much about him on this blog, and since I think God wants to speak through his story, I'm going to take some time to tell my perspective of it. I hope over the next few days to share more with you about how I met him, how I became his mother, and what he is actually like.

It's good to be back, friends, hope you are as excited as I am!

I Do Declare

Today was more than just a birthday. It was more than just mine. It was more than just Joab’s. It was more than a theme (though I did love the chance to get creative with the ‘tree’ motif). It was more than yummy food. It was even more than friends gathered together. Today was a day when I got to celebrate my son.

You see, I know there are plenty in this world who would have looked at his life and said why bother? A kid like that is more of a hassle than he’s worth. Sure, they probably wouldn’t have said it outright, but deep down, that’s what a lot think.

But today, I got another chance to shout back at them: He is my son. And he is absolutely worth it. He’s worth hours spent on just-right cupcakes. He’s worth making sure every detail is covered. He’s even worth washing rocks so that they don’t look so dirty around the fire-pit (let’s just say I’m in an ‘I hate dirt’ phase, and there’s a lot of it in Lusaka).

He is worth celebrating, and I will continue to do it not just on his birthday, but everyday I get to be with him. I am utterly privileged to be his Mama, and completely head over heels for this little boy. People can say whatever they will, but as for me- I do declare I am blessed, thankful, and filled with joy to be the one who gets to throw his birthday parties. Bring em on (but not too fast…).

The Desert

Have you ever been in a place, not knowing exactly how you got there? Don’t get me wrong- I know how I got here to Africa; I’ve looked back on the journals and scribbled prayers marking the way. What I don’t know is how I got…here.

Here. A place where I don’t know exactly how to be. A place where I don’t know just what to do. A place where I feel like I know who God is, but don’t know how to live it out. Here.

I can’t pinpoint just when I got here, but I know it’s been a while, and that it’s been wearing on my heart. Those of you who have been in the desert before know that you just sorta wander in and because each way you look just fades together into a blur, it’s hard to decipher what is what. And when the blur just keeps on, your heart feels it.

Fuzzy outlines you believe to be the Man you follow, and so you walk on, all the while not sure if you saw what you thought you did. Was that Him? Is this the way He would have me walk? What if I saw wrongly, and am just chasing shadows??

And yet there is nothing else for you to do; nowhere else for you to be- because you know it’s exactly where He has you; that He has not lost hold of the reigns on your life. You know He’s leading you even though you can barely feel it.

So you wait. For Him to make Himself clear. For Him to speak boldly. For the way to become less vague. I don’t know how long this part lasts, but I hear that it, He eventually does come.

I haven’t known how to write about this place, or how to even understand it. I don’t know that I do yet, but I do feel like He is slowly coming back into focus. He’s looking different than I knew before, but I guess that’s the point. That was why I needed to go through the desert- to relearn and rebelieve Him. I don’t think you get to go through significant life-flipping (like moving faraway and becoming a mother for the first time) without having to readjust. God will never be the One who changes, but oh, how I need to be reshaped. I’m learning that with change comes, well, change.

And I’m thankful for it. Not every moment. Not everyday. But I am learning more and more that God provides exactly what we need in order to be that which He has called us to be. He is able to keep that which I’ve committed to Him, oh He is. And I’m thankful. For here- that it’s not permanent, but that it’s good.

~

An Addendum: I found have that adult life is often divided into parts. Not divided in a bad way- but separate nonetheless. There have been many parts I have shared with you on this blog, but there are also parts I have not- this part being one of them. I write about it now not to negate the parts I have written- I love my son, I love our life in Africa, I love the work we get to do. Writing this part is simply meant to let you in on some of the hardships of missionary life and being faraway from the familiar, and even more simply of life as a disciple of Christ. I hope that it proves useful for you who read…

Deep Deposits

As a part of a study plan I started a year ago, I'm now plowing through J.L. Dagg's Manual of Theology- a Reformed systematic theology. I am so encouraged by the very first paragraph of the text, as it has reminded and refocused my heart on why I'm doing this and how I should be doing it...

"The study of religious truth ought to be undertaken and prosecuted from a sense of duty, and with a view to the improvement of the heart. When learned, it ought not be laid on the shelf, as an object of speculation; but it should be deposited deep in the heart, where its sanctifying power ought to be felt. To study theology, for the purpose of gratifying curiosity, or preparing for a profession, is an abuse and profanation of what ought to be regarded as most holy. To learn things pertaining to God, merely for the sake of amusement, or secular advantage, or to gratify the mere love of knowledge, is to treat the Most High with contempt."

I pray that this would indeed be the end of my study, that God would use it to teach me more and more how to obey His Word, and that I would love Him all the more as He does according to His will.

Are you reading anything that is encouraging and challenging your mind lately?

You Should See It!

I know that I am way behind the curve on this one, but if you have not seen this movie- you really should! It tells the (true) story of Temple's life with Autism, and the incredible accomplishments she has made as an animal scientist. The film is bioptic- it shows the world from two perspectives- as a typical mind would understand it, and how an Autistic mind might see it. Besides being a good story, this film so deserved all the awards it won (hands down, the best role Claire Danes has ever played)- so seriously, you should see it!

Titles

Officially, my role in Special Hope Network is to serve as Director of Operations Africa. Now I have to admit, I think that sounds pretty legit. I am then reminded, however, that we are not the major international NGO we hope one day to be, and that really we are just four adults + four kids on the ground here in Zambia doing what we can to affect change for people who have disabilities. In reality, right now that title doesn't mean a whole lot.

The title I prefer is the one that carries much more significance; the one I received on the night of our commissioning as missionaries back in early 2010- "Defender of the Rights of the Afflicted and the Needy." It comes straight from our verse, Proverbs 31:8-9, and to me, carries an incredible amount of weight. So much more than some fancy director of an organization, this is who I want to be. This is what I want to define my life. I want this to be what people say about me.

And so, to the best of my ability and according to the grace and power given me by God- this is what I will strive to be and do. Specifically, right now, I will work to see that Special Hope reaches kids earlier. With the deaths of Francis and Gabriel (another of our kids died while I was away), we have realized that we need to be there sooner. Before the malnutrition and/or disease warps their bodies beyond repair, we need to be able to step in.

With this in mind, Special Hope is now working to create Care Centers in each compound of Lusaka, and eventually in the rural areas outside Lusaka. Our goal will be different according to the specific needs of each community, but our hope is that we establish a presence in each area of the city so that we may be accessible to those who need us. We want to be there when a mom realizes her child is developing differently; or when a parent dies and a child has nowhere to go; or when a dad finds out his child, despite what everyone has always told him, can actually learn and grow- we want to be there.

So, that is what I will be doing for a while- finding places, talking with parents, assessing kids. All of which I hope will live up to my name...pray with me, will you?

Back At It

Well friends, after a five-week hiatus, Joab and I are back in Zambia. We had such a great time visiting family and friends, and got so much helpful advice from therapists (including and especially my sweet cousin Mary)- but we are glad to be back! There is so much work to do, and we are excited to get back at it. I will write more over the weekend and next week about everything we are up to- but before that, here are some fav moments from the trip...


Ohana (plus Christina!) showers its first baby- Joanna's sweet Galilee is clearly next in line! We can't wait to meet her.





The fam celebrates Dad's retirement from the Navy- we are so proud of him and his 30 years!







Joab and his cousins pose for an upcoming United Colors of Benetton commercial. So dang cute.






Emily graduates! Go Hokies! (the only time that phrase will ever find itself on this blog...WA-HOO-WA!)








Another of the fam (welcome Allen!) celebrating Em's admission into grad-town.

Refreshing

Can I just tell you all- I am feeling so encouraged after these two speaking engagements. They were so different from each other, and the combination of the two so nurtured my heart for this ministry, and especially for the kids I am called to serve.

First, at JMU- a small group of college-aged girls. I don't know if there is a group I would rather talk to more. I just loved the chance to tune their radar to what is going on with orphans and vulnerable children who have special needs, though that was not a difficult thing to do with a group of mostly pre-Occupational Therapists and pre-Special Educators. It was so fun to challenge them to think outside of the box and to dream big for the kingdom of God on this earth. It was also just so refreshing for me to think back to when I was a college-aged girl (not very long ago) and how much this particular dream meant to me, and how so many pieces have already been fleshed out. Praise the Lord for what He has done and continues to do.

Then, in Cville- with Special Hope family and friends. An incredibly close, and maybe not even, second to the group at JMU. As I stood on that stage and remembered back to a year ago, I absolutely could not believe how far God had led us. Before, we were just starry-eyed talkers, and now that we have been knocked down a couple times, I got to stand there as someone who knew the reality of the difficulty before us, but one still eager to take it on. I guarantee that I would not have felt that way except for the fact that the faces in that audience were people I knew were doing it with us. They might not ever step foot in Africa, but oh, we know that God is using you. To open your mouths, to defend, to act for these kids- thank you for the way you do it everyday. Again, I am so refreshed by talking with you all. Thank you for being excited and with us as Special Hope molds and grows.

Thank you to all who were involved with the planning (Christine and Kate) and to all who came!!! Joab and I loved getting to meet/see you!

Open Your Mouth- Cville

Hey you Charlottesville friends- Joab and I will be speaking (I'll be doing most of the talking, Joab will provide a whole lot of background noise) downtown at The Haven tonight. We'll be sharing a lot about what Special Hope has been up to for the last year and where we are headed in the near future. Come see us if you can- more details on Facebook!

Open Your Mouth- JMU

So, if you are anywhere around Harrisonburg tonight, you should come to Open Your Mouth! We'll share Joab's and my story and plans for the future of Special Hope! Come if you can...comment if you want details on where!

Hey Hey USA

Major change of gears since last post- Joab and I have made it to the US! After so much prep, planning, and a long trip- WE MADE IT! Joab couldn't have done better, and I am so thankful for a smooth flight. We're so excited to get to spend the next month with family and friends, and get to be here for Mom and Allen's wedding, Emily's graduation, and Dad's retirement from the Navy. Bring on the good food and fun!

Here are some pics from the journey, and from our arrival with Auntie Suz, CuzAunt Mary, and Cousin Jack...

Choosing to Celebrate

I sat on the couch, carefully cradling him in my arms. His lungs were working so hard to get air, and his forehead was burning up. I looked into his little eyes and just cried. I knew this would be the last time I got to hold him.

Francis died this morning.

He became part of the statistic I hate so much. He's now included in the 80% of children with an intellectual disability who don't make it to 5 years old. That statistic now carries so much more weight, and my abhorrence of it has increased more than I thought it could. It weighs more because it now has a face to go with it. It now has a name. It now has attached to it a moment when I had to say goodbye.

And so, I write tonight to make certain that he does not fade away into the numbers. To be sure that his face and name are remembered. He was fearfully and wonderfully made by His Father, and I want to celebrate it.

Don't misunderstand, I do not want to celebrate his death, nor the way he died. Someone (I don't know who...) will have to pay the price for the injustice he suffered- I am convinced God will not allow it to go unpunished. He will right every wrong, for Francis, and for each of those 80%.

I choose to celebrate, instead, that I got to be with him. For whatever reason, God saw it fit for me (and others) to be there with him for his last days and hours. I got to be one of the ones to make sure he knew he was loved. To cheer and beg him on as he ate and drank. To simply hold him and sing to him in between feedings. To be heartbroken when he breathed his last.

I still do not understand everything going on. I know that Francis will not be our last, but he will always be our first, and for that is reserved a most tender place in my heart. I pray that God make room in your own heart for him, that he be remembered by many who never even met him, and that his story would convict and compel your heart to whatever end God may choose. And as always, may our Jesus by ever so glorified as He does.

Here's to Hoping

Before we moved here, we always talked about it as an inevitability. The statistics wouldn't allow us to escape it. But I don't know that we could have ever prepared for the day when we would care for a child who was dying. And yet, here we are. Francis is 1 year 5 months old and weighs only 11 lbs. At roughly half his suitable weight, his organs are most certainly failing. His skin hangs off his tiny frame in sheets. His bones poke through and seem like they could break at the slightest touch. His eyes stare blankly and his mouth can barely handle the food we are trying to pump into him.

The reality is- Francis' little body is deteriorating. The hope, however, is- that God would step in.

Looking at him, it seems impossible...good thing that's His specialty. And though we know it's not His guarantee, we ask...we hope that God would step in and make His glory known through Francis' restoration.

Pray with us...

Radical?

“I am convinced that we as Christ followers in American churches have embraced values and ideas that are not only unbiblical but that actually contradict the gospel…You and I can choose to continue with business as usual in the Christian life and in the church as a whole, enjoying success based on the standards defined by the culture around us. Or we can take an honest look at the Jesus of the Bible and dare to ask what the consequences might be if we really believed him and really obeyed him.”

“We were settling for a Christianity that revolved around catering to ourselves when the central message of Christianity is actually about abandoning ourselves.”

“…in a world where Christians shrink back from self-denying faith and self-indulging faith. While Christians choose to spend their lives fulfilling the American dream instead of giving their lives to proclaiming the kingdom of God…”

“Consider the cost when Christians ignore Jesus’ commands to sell their possessions and give to the poor and instead choose to spend their resources on better comforts, larger homes, nicer cars, and more stuff. Consider the cost when Christians gather in churches and choose to spend millions of dollars on nice buildings to drive up to, cushioned seats to sit in, and endless programs to enjoy for themselves. Consider the cost for the starving multitudes who sit outside the gate of Christian affluence.”

“The reality is, most of us in our culture and in the American church simply don’t believe Jesus.”

“…Christians who possess the gospel and refuse to give their lives to making it known among those who haven’t heard.”

“The purpose of the church is to mobilize a people to accomplish a mission. Yet we seem to have turned the church as troop carrier into the church as luxury liner. We seem to have organized ourselves, not to engage in battle for the souls of peoples around the world, but to indulge ourselves in the peaceful comforts of the world.”

“You see, our hearts follow our money…this is a dangerous reality for American Christians and a blind spot in American Christianity.”

I was so looking forward to this book being published. I had listened to the sermon series upon which it was based, and God had really used it to open my eyes and convict my heart to aspects of Jesus’ commands that I had been ignoring and the consequences involved in my doing so. Of course, I understood there to be some problems/inconsistencies in the sermons, namely the title (which seemed to contradict the very point the preacher was trying to make). Unfortunately, my reading of the book, Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream, has found those problems/inconsistencies only to be more significant, and ultimately- I am disappointed with the book.

The above quotes highlight why. They sound good, even convicting at first, but with a deeper read they prove to be arguing something I understand to be unbiblical at the core and unhelpful to the reader. Let me explain…

Christ -followers embracing ideas that contradict the Bible

Christian lives enjoying success defined by standards of the world

Christianity revolving around self-catering and self-indulgence

Christians ignoring Jesus’ commands

The Church simply not believing Jesus

Christians refusing to give away their lives for the sake of the gospel

Christians following money instead of God

Since when are people who do not embrace the ideas of the Bible and ignore Jesus’ commands called Christ-followers? Since when is a religion that revolves around self called Christianity? Since when is a group of people who do not believe Jesus called the Church?

As far as I can see, these statements inherently contradict themselves. I do not see any way to Biblically support any of the above listed actions (italicized) being performed by followers of Christ, Christians, or the Church- there just isn’t such thing as one-foot-in, one-foot-out Christianity. And yet- that is what this book says is going on in the ‘American church’ today. It’s full of people who simultaneously believe Jesus and don’t believe Jesus, who obey and do not obey, who possess the gospel and yet refuse to give away their lives for its sake.

It just doesn’t work. Scripture clearly defines people like this as hypocrites, not faithful followers. Makes sense, I suppose, that the author did not want to call the majority of the ‘American church’ hypocritical- the book probably wouldn’t sell, or at least gain very much positive popularity. So instead, the author became one of the very teachers Paul warns Timothy about-

For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions and will turn away from listening to the truth. 2 Timothy 4:3-4

therefore making this book dangerous for its readers. He claims to be setting people free from erroneous thinking and leading them into truth- when I understand him to be simply pushing people into a different category of error. Instead of calling them to genuine faith in Christ and faithful obedience to His commands, this book calls people to a more Radical version of what they already believe- that the life you live doesn’t actually matter. You can live out Christianity-lite, which is sugarcoated in the American dream, or you can be a bit more Radical by reading your Bible more, going on a few missions trips ever now and again, and giving away more stuff. Either way, you are saved and going to heaven, and so it doesn’t really matter in the end.

Friends, what if it does matter? What if Christianity-lite really isn’t Christianity at all? What if there is no such thing as Radical Christianity? What if there is just Christianity and not-Christianity? What if you are obedient or you are not?

What would that mean for the ‘American church?’

What would that mean for us?

What would that mean for you?

He Chose Me

I have come to know so many beautiful things about adoption in the course of my life. From hearing the stories of my own mother's being adopted to now adopting my own son, and watching so many friends and family adopt in between- I have come to know it as something so intimately close to the heart of God. A beautiful glimpse of Him in this overwhelmingly mundane world- when He calls and empowers His people to step in and choose the ones who've been abandoned. To choose to give them life instead of despair. To choose them when others didn't and wouldn't. To choose them.

It was and is a privilege that God has called me to be a mother to Joab. To step in and give him life when others didn't- to choose him. I get to live it and love it each day.

But I have realized something even more beautiful about adoption- and have only just realized it as it played out right before my eyes. We were sitting in the driveway the other day, talking with a group of women who are taking our class on the basics of Special Education. These particular women are all dedicated and committed workers at an orphanage here in town, not unlike the women who worked in the place where Joab used to live. I'm sure it was a familiar scene for him- Zambian women, dressed in their brightly-colored citenges, all sitting and chatting- it was one he saw everyday for over 2 years.

I paused in my conversation with them to watch Joab more closely. He walked over to them, and grabbed a corner of a skirt, then grazed one of their hands, seemingly interested in the group. My heart fluttered for a moment, thinking that he might find them more comfortable or more familiar than me- the funny white girl sitting opposite them. But then, he walked over to where I was sitting on the pavement. He threw his arms around my shoulders and brought his face close to mine. He stared at me- and then looked back at them. And then back at me. Then this smile broke out on his face- one that told me he knew. He knew I was his. He knew I was his mama. And not only did he know it- but he agreed with it. He chose me.

I don't understand all that Joab comprehends and doesn't. But there was something in this moment that told me he understood that he was no longer alone, no longer without a family, no longer without hope. It was as if he was declaring 'no more' to the old, and 'keep it comin' to the new.

There may be a lot of beautiful things about adoption. But, oh. To witness the moment when a child realizes they're not an orphan anymore- the beauty simply overflows. Why? Because it proves God really is who He says He is. And that He does what He says He can do. He can take the old and make it new...He can take the lost and make them found...He can and does set the lonely in families. Praise God that He does. And praise God that He did and will do with my son- may Joab feel ever more secure in the hope God has set before him, and may I be continually joyous to be a part of it.

We Got the License!

Today's trip to Social Welfare was finally successful, and we walked away (quite happily, might I add) with Joab's license to travel!

Passport office, here we come.

Zambia, Oh Zambia

There was a poem I had to memorize in the first grade. It was a Shel Silverstein classic, and we youngins' thought it was pretty cool that our teacher even allowed us recite it before the class...

Homework, oh Homework
I hate you, you stink.
I wish I could wash you away in the sink.
I'd rather take baths with a man-eating shark
or wrestle a lion alone in the dark.
Eat spinach and liver, pet ten porcupines,
than tackle the homework my teacher assigns.

Pieces of this poem have been stuck in my head ever since, and unfortunately, there are occasions when other words find their way into the "homework" spot. Zambia may not fit according to syllables, but there are certainly times when my mind squeezes it right on in there.

It has happened several times this week, in particular when I have been packing up the boy and his stuff to make yet another trip to Social Welfare. I swear I have driven to that building at least 5 times this week. There haven't even been 5 days yet. And, Tuesday was International Women's Day, therefore causing an entire city shut-down, and so it doesn't even count.

While the people there are friendly (they all now know us by name), there are indeed moments when I wish I was dealing with a hungry shark instead. The look on the face of a hungry shark is very straight-foward- it says 'you look like a tasty snack and I am going to eat you.' The look on the face of a Zambian, however, could mean a plethora of different things on a spectrum that spans an incredible distance. When the Social Worker woman tells me, 'ah yes, I will have this done for you by the end of the week,' she may actually mean the end of the week. However, what week she means exactly is always unclear. Does she mean this week, or a week many moons from now? I am never sure, and now matter how hard I try to read, their faces never do tell.

You all remember the day I had to eat liver at our friend Nancy's house, and while that is not an experience I am looking to repeat- I may actually consider doing it if it meant the woman would hand me the license right then. If only it was as simple as performing a silly dare, but alas, I have found that tackling this task has been beyond frustrating for me.

I really believe that it will all work out, and that we will get the license, passport, and visa in order for Joab to travel back to the US- but would you all pray with me that I don't keel over before it happens? Would you also pray that God gives me a heart that is a tad more mature than a first-grader so that I can stop this poem from going through my head all day? And let's be serious- I've seen a few lions, and I think I'd take on any Zambian before I stand up to one of them.

He Was Made for Walkin

And apparently, that's just what he'll do- as of Thursday night, that is. Joab had taken a couple steps while my Dad and Uli were here, but on Thursday, he actually walked all the way across our bedroom. And then, the next morning, he walked all around the house. Then the yard. Then the mall. Then the yard again. This kid is a walkin machine- there is just no stopping him. Believe me, at moments I have really tried.

I thought I was tired already, but I'm thinking that this new milestone is going to cause me as much exhaustion as it does pride and joy. But I am one happy mama to chase this boy wherever he wants to go.

Minus One, Plus One

Tomorrow morning, Joab and I go to pick my parents from the Lusaka International Airport! They will be staying with us for the next week, and we are so excited. We will be going to Livingstone for a few days, and then hanging out here for the rest. Pray for safe travels for them tonight, and for a fun week ahead for all of us.

So, although I am thrilled to add Joab into our family's collection of photos (which Uli has meticulously organized), I am sad that Emily won't be here to be in them. I guess we will have to wait until the Spring in order to capture the whole fam, but here are some good ones from our US rendezvous at Thanksgiving (pre-Joab, obvi)...

Does it Even Need a Title?

It's certainly not his best work, but it's what I got on camera for now. I hope you enjoy this beaver boy as much as I do, dear readers!

Beyond a Relational Status

In my last Address, I wrote about my feeling called to remain unmarried in order that I might be more wholly devoted to the Lord, and traced back to 1 Corinthians 7 as my point of origin. Thing is, 1 Corinthians 7 is not just about remaining unmarried- Paul has plenty to say in this chapter about being married as well. But honestly, I don't think this chapter is actually about being married or being single. I think what Paul is writing about here, and what the Word is pointing to (even demanding) in this chapter is obedience.

For sake of time and space, I will attempt to lay out what I see to be Paul's basic argument, and how we eventually get to obedience. You will need to pick up a Bible for yourself in order to be convinced, as I promise I will leave out much...

In Paul's words to those who are married, he writes something like:

live as though you were not married

In order to figure out what he means by "live as though you were not married," and why he gives such strange advice to married people, we go to Paul's words to those who are not married, where he writes something like:

remain unmarried so as to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord

And so, if you do that math, you realize that Paul is actually saying the same thing to all believers, whether or not we are married:

live as you are called and secure your undivided devotion to the Lord

The point, friends, is not whether or not we are to marry. It is that we love Jesus undistractedly and obey His commands unswervingly. If He has intended for you to be married as you do- so be it. As Paul seems to say, it will be harder to singly focus on the service of the Lord as a married person- and so I ask for increased grace to those of you who are wed. If He has purposed for you to do so without being married- so be it. Paul implies that is it difficult to remain single and walk in holiness, and so I ask for increased grace for those of you who are unwed.

I've heard it said that this argument is not really valid because Paul wrote what he did according to his belief that Jesus was returning to the earth soon, even in his own lifetime. However, Paul's argument is based on something much more than timing, and therefore we don't get to throw it out simply because it didn't happen. Jesus is coming back- the timing is His to know and mine to imminently anticipate, just as it was Paul's. This world is fading faster and faster into eternity, and when it finally arrives, I certainly want to be revealed as one chosen to spend it with Him. Let's depend on the Spirit to live and love like we are those ones, and may it be unto the Name and the ever-deserving glory of Jesus Christ.

Step One: Results

Well, she wasn't at her office and so a phone call had to suffice. I explained to her the letter I needed from her in order to submit the passport application- and she responded by explaining to me that she had been describing this to me all along! Even though she had told me no such thing and actually argued the opposite, I played the confused American, and thanked her so much for clarifying. Supposedly, she will be contacting her superior about getting the letter this week.

Please pray, as we have learned the Zambian meaning of time to be worlds a part from western perspectives, particularly mine.

Step One

So, I need you all to pray. This Spring, I hope to be ale to come back to the US with Joab in order for him to see a bunch of different developmental specialists. It also happens to be my Mom's wedding, my sister's college graduation, and my Dad's retirement from the Navy. Kinda a big month for my fam, and I so want to be there- with Jo- for all of it.

This week is a crucial one in the process of getting us there. Tomorrow morning, I will go visit my social worker and try to convince her to write a letter approving Joab's Zambian passport application. For some reason I really can't figure out- this woman is not necessarily cooperative, and really has not been when I have brought up this subject in the past. Will you pray that the Lord would soften her heart for the sake of Joab and how much he would benefit from this trip? Even more, pray that the Spirit would quicken her step so that this letter is written quickly so that I can submit his application this week!

Looking ahead to the next steps, you can pray that the processing of his application goes smoothly (could be some glitches considering he does not have a birth certificate or any known surviving relatives), and that we will have it all ready for our visa appointment with the US Consulate. You can also pray that the Consulate would be compelled by our story and that they would be willing to grant Joab a visa!

Thanks so much dear friends, I'll keep you posted.

Addressing the Elephant

That thing has been standing in the corner long enough, and though I've been sorta dreading this, I think it is indeed time to explain some things. Well, one thing in particular- my not being married.

For most 23 year-olds, this would not be a problem. I, however, have decided to become a mother to a little boy, and therefore feel all sorts of penalty flags being thrown my way. So, this post is meant to share with you the story of how I got here and why I actually intend to stay here.

Before I get going- I wanted to reiterate a few things I have felt necessary to say in previous posts. These are my thoughts. They are my own- I do not claim them to be some sort of authoritative voice on truth. Now, I have actually spent a lot of time studying and praying towards their development, and so I hope they are useful to you, but, you need to know that they are by no means finished. They're what I've got for now, and I offer them to you to use as you are led.

Like I said in a recent post, I always thought I would end up married. It's part of the deal, right? It certainly seemed so if you were to take a look around our Christian culture. Being a wife was an assumed (and maybe even necessary?) part of being a Christian woman- and so naturally, I thought that I would step into that role right as I stepped out of college, or at least shortly thereafter.

However, I started noticing some things in Scripture, particularly when I came across 1 Corinthians 7 in my daily reading schedule. I read this chapter and my only response was..."What?" I think I actually reread it several times to make sure that I was understanding what Paul was saying. The basic gist, and crushing blow of it summed up in just a couple verses-

And the unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

So Paul, if I am reading you correctly, marriage is actually a threat to my devotion to the Lord and therefore should be avoided if possible? Again, what?

This seemed strange considering no one I have ever met or heard or read had ever said anything remotely like this. In fact, if I were to consult one of the thousands of books and sermon series on Why Every Christian Should Be Married, I think I would actually find most saying closer to the opposite. Why had I always been told and encouraged to run towards a husband if God's Word actually advises me to remain unmarried?

I honestly felt betrayed by my culture and my community. I felt I had been fed a watered-down, if not completely falsified, version of the truth (I have felt this way before), and was angry about it. I searched for anyone who might have something more to say about this idea of 'remaining unmarried,' and found a book. Amy Carmichael's biography, written by Elisabeth Elliot. In these pages, I found what I felt to be a soul sister. She wasn't afraid to go against her culture and community for the sake of what she believed to be obedience. The pages I read of her life gave me courage to attempt the same, and so I went back to Paul to do some more thinking and praying about what it really meant to obey.

What I found- in order for me to obey Christ, I believe I am to seek to remain unmarried in order to be more wholly devoted to the service of the Lord. Further (the result of another search for the way to obey), I believe I am called to serve the Lord by caring for the fatherless. These two ideas melded together form what is now the elephant I seek to address- that my culture and community would not necessarily approve of my choosing to be single and to be a mother.

Amy Carmichael spent her days of caring for children she personally rescued from temple prostitution in India, and was called Amma (mother) by every one of them. If the Lord really does give me the chance to do something similar in working with orphans who have intellectual disabilities here in southern Africa- I hope He also gives me the grace and courage to stand as one undistracted and undivided in her obedience to that call.

Or as Amy, herself said- "Lord, do Thou turn in me all into love, and all my love into obedience, and let my obedience be without interruption."

Whoa Whoa Whoa

I know, change is not easy for everyone (cough...Kate), but it was time. I am having a hard enough time figuring out what to write on this thing, and not liking the look of it wasn't helping. So, welcome to the new So That He Might Increase, I hope you like it.

A quick note to you, dear readers- part of why I am having a hard time writing here is because I don't quite understand blogs, this one especially. Never knowing your audience, not being sure how your words will come across, wanting to dialogue with people instead of just word-vomit all over them: all reasons I don't necessary like this form of technology. And yet, I still want to write. I need to write- it helps me to process what I'm thinking.

So, an FYI for you all, the new blog is now complete with tabs (look up, please) for you to peruse according to your liking. If you don't want to read my latest thoughts on theology- don't click it. If you only want updates on life here in Southern Africa- make sure your mouse heads straight for that tab. Hopefully this will give both of us some freedom in how we use this blog...

May God be glorified on these electronic pages, and may you be blessed as you read.

Being a Mom

I was one of those little girls who stuffed pillows under her dress while playing house. I was always the Mom, with my little sister, Emily, playing my first child, and the pillow on it's way to being my second. Even then, I knew being pregnant was part of woman's life, and that eventually, I would be married and carry a baby in my tummy too.

Fast forward to college- even though I no longer stuffed my shirts with bed linens, I still dreamed of a perfect family. Perfect husband, perfect marriage, both of which inevitably led to perfect children and a relatively perfect life. I don't mean to say that I thought it would be smooth sailing- I just meant that it would turn out exactly as I had always imagined.

Isn't it always interesting when fantasy fades into reality? Since college, I have watched my 'dreams' give way to this life- the one where I turn out to be living in Zambia as a single-mom to a 2 year-old boy who has special needs. There is no perfect husband present in this picture, which in turn nixes the idea of the perfect marriage-thing. My son is certainly not what the world would call perfect. And yet, I have come to love this life.

The seas here are by no means calm and balmy, but then again, I don't think they are supposed to be. They are meant to be my training ground in depending upon and trusting the God I claim to be my own. They are designed to show me my own incapabilities in contrast to His capacity to do that which is otherwise deemed impossible. They are purposed to shout forth His glory and fame to this ever-darkening world.

I don't know where we'll end up, or where this path will lead, but I reckon I will have guessed it wrongly from the very beginning. And I think I'm OK with that.

Beaver Baileys

Today was a fun day. We have officially been "us" for one month now, and Joab decided to prove it by rolling back his upper lip and flaunting those two-front pearly whites for all to see. Yep, he got the beaver gene. Thing is, his beaver face is actually better than mine. Most of you know, that's sayin somethin.

I know it's silly, but today, it was such a fun glimpse of the bond God is growing between this little one and me. Part of me feels like a month has really been much longer- but the other is totally aware that we still have so many more to go. Won't you pray as we do?

(Sadly, I was never fast enough to snap a pic, but I assure I will continue trying so you all can enjoy.)

His Twin

As often as I think about Joab's birth mother, I am reminded of his twin- that for the beginning years of his life, he was part of a pair. Alone in his crib now, I'm sure there was once a time when he was never without her- maybe they even wore matching outfits all the time like me and my sister. And yet now, they are separated from each other.

I have had to do a lot of guess work to fill in the gaps of the story I have been told regarding their being apart, and I have to be honest, I have not found it in me to give much grace to the situation. I was told that the twins lived together at the same transit home when they first entered "the system," but that Eunice was moved to a home for older children once she reached the appropriate age. You see, Eunice is a typically developing child, and so moved right up with the other kids when she was almost 2 years old. Donald, on the other hand, was not typically developing. He didn't move, speak, attend, play, or interact like others his age (and apparently like his twin sister), but instead seemed to have a developmental delay- and so he was left behind to stay with the younger kids.

When Donald's social worker told me all of this, and then proceeded to tell me that she had recently been adopted by an American family in Washington- my heart sunk. Separated from his twin by an entire world, let alone ocean and continent. I left the meeting that day running it over and over again in my head- they couldn't have known. That family could not have known that they were leaving behind her brother. They would never do something like that, would they?

The day I brought Joab home, I spoke again with his social worker. "Oh, I will have to give you the contact information for his twin's adoptive family. They will be so happy to know that God has finally found a home for her brother. Maybe you could visit them sometime?"

Here's the part where I find grace hard to, well...find. They knew. They knew that as they took home their precious baby girl and tucked her into her brand new bed that her twin brother still lay alone in his crib. Alone, except for the 30 other toddlers laying in cribs around the room of the orphanage where they lived. They knew.

Now, I am fully aware that I could be wrong. I could have been told something incorrectly, or filled in gaps in ways I should not- but the premise of the story is not unique. The reality is that orphans who have special needs very seldomly get adopted by western families. Lots of excuses on our end add up to millions of children who just disappear into the crisis, unnoticed amongst the millions of other orphans in the world.

I cannot do anything about what has already separated Joab and his sister (and whether or not we will ever visit them, I am not sure), but I can certainly work to see that such a thing becomes less and less of a reality. I can work to see that orphans and vulnerable children who have disabilities are cared for and loved as they need and deserve, and not left alone in their cribs to waste away. More details on how I and Special Hope Network plan to do this later...

For now, I will ask you to pray for her. And for him. And for them. Oh yeah, and for me- pray that God would separate in me the anger that is necessary and not; that is righteous and proud, that I may move forward in my thoughts and actions in a way that is pleasing and honoring to Him- the Father of all fatherless.

Guest Post from Maddy and Molly!

My two very best friends were here for Christmas, so without further ado or introduction (these are the type of girls who just don't need one)...










































Some things never change. Dance parties. Watching Gilmore Girls. Dreaming about future hopes and aspirations. Creating dinners and baked goodies together. Worship with Maddy on piano and Beth on voice. Speed Scrabble. Early bedtimes for Molly. Lots of snacking. Reliving memories from university, Ohana, and trips to the beach, Atlanta and Spain.

And yet, many things do change. Instead of the typical Virginia white Christmas, a sunny, Zambian Christmas by the poolside. Locked gates, security systems, and guard dogs in lieu of the relative safety and openness of Charlottesville homes. Slashing grass replaces the ease of a lawn mower. And, most significantly, the babbling of a baby and the presence of a crib, cloth diapers, and sippy cups have entered into the equation.

Little Joab certainly earned center stage for our latest rendezvous together in Zambia. How could he not? His wispy eyelashes, puckered lips, and dimples are hard to dismiss. He is absolutely precious. And, beyond the physical, his arbitrary spurts of laughter, propensity for snuggling, and fascination with trees only add to his charm. Even his perpetual spitting up has become rather endearing (we know, we aren’t the ones who clean it up 90% of the time!), but it necessitates his wearing a large cloth as a cape and thus creating a backwards superman-esque appearance. In the past ten days, we have already witnessed dramatic growth: increased smiling, ability to follow objects with his eyes, walk with assistance, and even added vegetables and fruit to his previously very Zambian, bland diet.

We have learned that in the local language, Nyanja, there is no word for toy. Most children in Zambia do not play with toys, so why would there be a word to define them? Rocks and discarded trash form the main means of child entertainment. And so, I think the next milestone for this little fellow shall be his playing with toys. This certainly is a concept we rarely, if ever, face in America-teaching a child how to play. But, after he progresses past some of the initial wonders of what we consider "ordinary living", who knows what little Joab will be able to do!

Beyond sharing in Joab's first couple weeks at home, we had the privilege to catch a glimpse into Beth's current life. We've of course been able to keep in touch and hear consistent updates from her, but it was incredibly sweet to take part in it firsthand. We were so encouraged to see the way she is faithfully following Christ and being transformed more and more into His likeness. She is learning every day to give of herself and sacrifice her own desires and needs in order to serve Him, and it is beautiful. If we may say this--we are so PROUD of her and honored to be her friends!!

The three of us also had some time to step back and evaluate our friendships with one other. Sure, four years as college undergraduates living together and invested in similar activities brought us together, but what, if anything, will sustain our friendships? One and half years later we are each in different countries with various responsibilities and relationships. Each of us would be quick to confess that our friendships with one another have not been void of trial and challenge, and yet, the Lord has continued to draw us together as a source of companionship and refinement for each other. To continually ask the questions: What does it look like to live in obedience and faithfulness to the Word? Are there areas of my life I need to alter in accordance to Jesus’ commands? Am I becoming comfortable or always seeking more?

During these last developing years, we have each continually reshaped our responses to these simple though pivotal questions, and so this seems to have become the anthem of our friendships:

Let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works
Hebrews 10:24

For, while some things may never change in our friendships with each other-that which provides the very foundation and impetus for our relationships-it is that which has eternally made us sisters.

His Mother

As I learn more and more about what it means to be a mother to Joab, I often find myself thinking of his mother- the one he was born to, I mean. I know very little about her, and what I do know I'm not even sure to be the truth. I was told by our social worker that Donald (Joab's birth name) was born to a mother and father in Eastern Province, and that he had 4 older siblings. One of those siblings, Eunice, happened to be his twin (more thoughts on this later).

When the twins were 4 months old, their father passed away of some sort of sickness. Their mother packed up her kids and travelled to Lusaka in order to collect his life insurance policy, but when they arrived, she found it to be worth only K50,000- about $10. Nowhere near enough to travel back home, let alone set up a new home in Lusaka. Stranded with no job, no house, no relatives nearby- she made a very bold and courageous move...she gave up her kids. Knowing she couldn't care for them, she made sure they got to places where they would be. The older siblings were placed in a large, westernized children's home, and Donald and Eunice were placed in a transit home for children under the age of two. She, herself, went to stay at a aftercare home for the sick and destitute while she looked for some sort of job.

Can you imagine the devastation of losing a husband, and then having to give your children into the care of someone else? She, stripped of absolutely everything, must have been utterly and utmostly heartbroken. How scared and hopeless she must have been, and yet, she still possessed the selflessness needed to do what she understood to be best for her children. I often think of that moment, when she had to let go of Donald's little hand and walk away from him- and my heart breaks too.

I so wish that I could have been the one to help restore their family; to bring them back together- but, God seems to have had other intentions. After about two months in Lusaka, Donald's mother passed away as well. Of what, I am not sure- perhaps sickness, perhaps something deeper.

And so, two years later, God's plan for me is to step in where she left off. You see, I will always be tied to this woman in the most unusual way- we are mothers to the same son. I will think of her often, and those like her too- and I will be sad, even angry about the horrors they have had to endure; the husbands and children they have lost.

That sadness and anger bring with them joy, however, as they help me to realize the honor it really is for me to be a mother to Joab- I, as his mother, get to have a front row seat in the redemption story God seems to be weaving in this little boy. And though a full measure of justice will not be worked out until the very end, I pray that God would use this blog to share with you the portion He chooses to unfold, and that He may receive all the glory as He does.

Another Year to Study

I promise to fill you in on the past weeks, but for now I want to share with you one of the things I am enjoying most about this time of year. Last year, I was recommended a Bible reading plan that turned out to be an incredible encouragement to me. I had tried a few other "read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year" kind of things, and did not do very well keeping up with them. But this one turned what was a daunting task into a very manageable, and really helpful tool for me in my study of God's Word. M'Cheyne (old pastor man from the Church of Scotland) has laid it all out so that by reading about 4 chapters a day, from 4 different books of the Bible, you actually read through the entire Old Testament once and the New Testament twice in one year.

I love that yesterday, I finished the schedule, and today am beginning fresh again. There's something really cool about ending the year by reading Revelation 22 and beginning with Genesis 1.

Here is a link I found to a nice printable version (thanks Mount Calvary Church, wherever you are), one you can stick as a bookmark in your Bible. I hope you enjoy, and Happy New Year!

http://www.mountcalvarybaptist.org/extra/documents/McCheyne%20Bible%20Reading.pdf