Addressing the Elephant

That thing has been standing in the corner long enough, and though I've been sorta dreading this, I think it is indeed time to explain some things. Well, one thing in particular- my not being married.

For most 23 year-olds, this would not be a problem. I, however, have decided to become a mother to a little boy, and therefore feel all sorts of penalty flags being thrown my way. So, this post is meant to share with you the story of how I got here and why I actually intend to stay here.

Before I get going- I wanted to reiterate a few things I have felt necessary to say in previous posts. These are my thoughts. They are my own- I do not claim them to be some sort of authoritative voice on truth. Now, I have actually spent a lot of time studying and praying towards their development, and so I hope they are useful to you, but, you need to know that they are by no means finished. They're what I've got for now, and I offer them to you to use as you are led.

Like I said in a recent post, I always thought I would end up married. It's part of the deal, right? It certainly seemed so if you were to take a look around our Christian culture. Being a wife was an assumed (and maybe even necessary?) part of being a Christian woman- and so naturally, I thought that I would step into that role right as I stepped out of college, or at least shortly thereafter.

However, I started noticing some things in Scripture, particularly when I came across 1 Corinthians 7 in my daily reading schedule. I read this chapter and my only response was..."What?" I think I actually reread it several times to make sure that I was understanding what Paul was saying. The basic gist, and crushing blow of it summed up in just a couple verses-

And the unmarried woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

So Paul, if I am reading you correctly, marriage is actually a threat to my devotion to the Lord and therefore should be avoided if possible? Again, what?

This seemed strange considering no one I have ever met or heard or read had ever said anything remotely like this. In fact, if I were to consult one of the thousands of books and sermon series on Why Every Christian Should Be Married, I think I would actually find most saying closer to the opposite. Why had I always been told and encouraged to run towards a husband if God's Word actually advises me to remain unmarried?

I honestly felt betrayed by my culture and my community. I felt I had been fed a watered-down, if not completely falsified, version of the truth (I have felt this way before), and was angry about it. I searched for anyone who might have something more to say about this idea of 'remaining unmarried,' and found a book. Amy Carmichael's biography, written by Elisabeth Elliot. In these pages, I found what I felt to be a soul sister. She wasn't afraid to go against her culture and community for the sake of what she believed to be obedience. The pages I read of her life gave me courage to attempt the same, and so I went back to Paul to do some more thinking and praying about what it really meant to obey.

What I found- in order for me to obey Christ, I believe I am to seek to remain unmarried in order to be more wholly devoted to the service of the Lord. Further (the result of another search for the way to obey), I believe I am called to serve the Lord by caring for the fatherless. These two ideas melded together form what is now the elephant I seek to address- that my culture and community would not necessarily approve of my choosing to be single and to be a mother.

Amy Carmichael spent her days of caring for children she personally rescued from temple prostitution in India, and was called Amma (mother) by every one of them. If the Lord really does give me the chance to do something similar in working with orphans who have intellectual disabilities here in southern Africa- I hope He also gives me the grace and courage to stand as one undistracted and undivided in her obedience to that call.

Or as Amy, herself said- "Lord, do Thou turn in me all into love, and all my love into obedience, and let my obedience be without interruption."