Way Beyond the Concept

In two days, we move way beyond the concept, and all the way to Lusaka, Zambia. I am having a hard time describing the way I am feeling about it, as it really is unlike most things I have ever experienced. Holly described it well the other day- you know that feeling in your stomach when you're riding up the roller coaster, right before the first big drop? You're already strapped in, and certainly can't get off now. The reality of the drop is welling up in your belly, and all you can do for increased safety is grip the handlebars more tightly. And though it's scary, you don't actually want to get off, because you know in the end it will be well worth it- that's why you got on the ride in the first place.

It feels kinda like that- a strangely wonderful combination of fear and excitement for all that God has laid out ahead of me. There is still so much I cannot see (that seems to be the case with most roller coasters- you don't really get to see their twists and turns from the starting point), and so much I cannot anticipate.

What I can see and anticipate is this- for however long He'll have me, and for whatever purposes He chooses- I am absolutely and undividedly His. As long as His grace pours over me, I will be fixed to spend my life with and for Him, as His will for me to do so has undoubtedly wooed my heart. As long as His mercy accompanies my mornings, I will be content to do His work in this world, no matter how lowly or insignificant it may seem while doing so. As long as He extends to me the hope of His calling, I will endure whatever trials, suffering, and discipline He purposes, that I may be found worthy when His face I finally see. And once again, may it gain Him all the blessing, honor, glory, and power forever and evermore.

"O that I could be a flame of fire in [His] service, always burning out in one continual blaze. Fit me for singular usefulness in this world. Fit me to exult in distresses of every kind if they but promote the advancement of [His] kingdom. Fit me to quit all hopes of the world's friendship...Fit me to be totally resigned to the denial of pleasures I desire, and to be content to spend my time with [Him]...Fit me to enter the blessed world where no unclean thing is, and to know [He] with me always." The Valley of Vision

Pray for me and for us; with me and with us, dear friends. There's a lot of ways we could take this first, big drop- but I am asking that He would allow us the bravery and the trust needed to simply let go, raise our hands high, and enjoy.

Beyond the Concept

While I think the picture of running the race is helpful, it seems necessary to go beyond the imagery. Running with orphans with intellectual disabilities strapped to my back may be a creative spin, but in order for any worth to be attached to the picture- it must go from the abstract to the concrete.

It's not just a concept, you see. If the idea is ever going to mean anything (to actual children and to the Lord, Himself), caring for orphans with intellectual disabilities must be much more than that. It's a Jamesian argument of sorts- just as faith without works is dead and useless (James 2:20, 26)- it would seem that abstract ideas without concrete outworkings are just as pointless.

So to give meaning to the otherwise futile, this post is to share what it's really about- it's about twin girls, born Anna Claudia and Anna Carolina, both with Down syndrome, in Sao Paulo, Brazil. Caring for them meant taking them out of the hospital where they were abandoned, and bringing them home. It meant taking them to Boston Children's for surgery so that their hearts could be fixed. It meant years of learning and loving as they grew into the young women God purposed them to be- Maggie and Mollie.

Mollie, if you've had the pleasure to meet her, will surely and quickly engage you in a conversation about her favorite things- all of which are food-related. If God gifts you with the patience and perseverance to decipher her unique dialect, and if Mollie, herself, deems you a worthy audience, she'll tell you just how much she loves guacamole, especially when it's from Chipotle. She may even, with her beautiful voice, sing you one of her favorite hymns- Great is Thy Faithfulness or Amazing Grace are at the top of her list. She has her moods, as any 'I-am-16-going-on-17' year-old girl would, though they are usually dissolved into jumping-up-and-down-dance-partying Mollie just as soon as the next good song comes on the iPod.

Maggie, if you've been granted special access into her world, will most certainly be found the most adorable girl you've ever met. She is currently sitting near me, calling my name ('Beff') every few minutes, and blowing me kisses. Her kind servant's heart is unlike any I've ever seen- there is surely no teenage girl willing to help her Mama in the kitchen as much as Maggie (those of you from church also know she is quite ready to stack chairs whenever the opportunity arises). Her creature-of-habitness does not allow us to ever miss a prayer before dinner, though her love of food occasionally allows a few bites to sneak in before grace is said. While her words are much fewer than her brother (though it's not actually difficult to have fewer words than Sam) and sister, her sweet smile speaks more than any I know.

Learning and loving these girls has been one of my chief joys over the past few months, though I know there is so much of them still unknown to me. They are beyond delightful just as they are- and yet I somehow end up with a double blessing, as I know that God is using them to teach and prepare me for the ones I have yet to learn and love. They have taught me beyond the concept of loving orphans with intellectual disabilities- they have taught me and allowed me the opportunity to actually and simply love.

A Reorientation of the Run

As my mind and heart continue to process, do you mind if I take the idea 'running' and continue to, well...run with it? While I have been here in Connecticut, in this very cute beach house-

I am really feeling the thousands of miles that separate me from the precious ones God has called me to serve. I'm certainly thankful for this time of preparation, and the wonderful family who has gifted this place for us to stay. I know God is using this time- but my heart longs to be there. My heart longs to leave all of this behind. My heart longs to be with them.

You see, I am not called to run this race for myself only- as one who has been given much, much more is required of me (Luke 12:48). My understanding of Scripture (along with the contextual knowledge God has given me) leads me to believe that I am actually called to run this race with as many orphans with intellectual disabilities as possible strapped onto my back. As a member of the body of Christ, I am called to run the race for the sake of others. Taking a look at the Word and at the world around me would seem to make it my responsibility towards orphans with intellectual disabilities to pick them up, strap them on, and run the race with them-

We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Romans 15:1

This verse, and the hundreds like it, seems to instruct me more specifically how I am called to run. I am not to run for myself, nor for my own selfish pleasure (even if I do seek only that pleasure that comes with the eternal prize). I am called to run for others- specifically for the weak and needy, and even more specifically for orphans with intellectual disabilities.

For me to show up at the finish line on that last day all by myself would seem to be a significant problem in the eyes of God- it certainly seemed to be for the ones running selfishly when Jesus was around...

But woe to you, scribes, Pharisees, hypocrites! For you shut up the kingdom of heaven against men; for you neither go in yourselves, nor do you allow those who are entering to go in. Matthew 23:13

Jesus goes on to explain the details of what He meant, specifically that they had been neglecting the issues of justice, mercy, and faith. How dreadful would it be for me, too, to run hard all my days, only to find at the end that I was running in a way that did not please the Lord, and even in such a way that caused His woe to be poured out upon me?

Fellow runners, let us consider the way we run and the motives that lead us to do so. Let Him reorient our running, that we may instead run for those who cannot; for all the afflicted; for the poor and the needy (Proverbs 31:8-9)- all for the glory of Him who still sits, unchanged and unmoved, enthroned at the finish line.

Progress Reports

I referenced John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress a couple posts ago, and now come back to a particular idea I have been processing in reading the book. For those of you who are unfamiliar, I first recommend that you amend this situation by buying a copy of the Oxford Classic edition (it has helpful scripture references listed in the margin) as soon as you are willing and able. For now, I'll summarize: the novel tells of a dream- one that follows a man named Christian on his journey from the City of Destruction to the Celestial City. Along the way, Christian is met with all sorts of obstacles and difficulties, all of which serve to test and strengthen his faith. John Bunyan, who writes the novel while imprisoned for preaching the gospel, uses striking imagery and beautiful prose to illustrate his puritanical (referencing the era in which he wrote) understanding of Christian discipleship in such a way that distinctively challenges our contemporary understanding of following Christ.

The particular idea upon which I think and write tonight is the imagery of running. It is a picture used throughout the Bible to describe the way we are to pursue Christ-

1 Corinthians 9:24, 26 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it...So I do not run aimlessly...

Galatians 2:2 I...set before them the gospel that I proclaim among the Gentiles, in order to make sure I was not running or had run in vain.

Philippians 2:16 holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ, I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

Here's the question- ARE WE ACTUALLY RUNNING? Are we actually sprinting full speed ahead towards the prize of an eternity with Christ? Are we actually racing on in order that we cross the finish line as soon as possible?

Or are we actually just ambling along? Are we actually just moseying about, stopping to glance at every pleasant thing that catches our eye? Are we actually just lolly-gagging our way, assured that we will make it there someday, even if our pace is a bit slow?

If the latter more aptly describes our pursuit of Christ, what if it simply doesn't cut it? It certainly wouldn't in a race where there is a prize to be won. Ambling, moseying, and lolly-gagging never earned anybody anything except maybe looking cute while doing it (ask Maggie and Mollie, pictured above- they walk incredibly slowly, but look ridiculously cute in the process).

It simply did not cut it for Christian in his leaving the City of Destruction-

So I saw in my dream, that the Man (Christian) began to run; Now he had not run far from his own door, but his Wife and Children perceiving it, began to cry after him to return: but the Man put his fingers in his ears, and ran on crying 'Life, Life, Eternal Life.'

If we consider ourselves disciples of Christ; pilgrims on the journey; runners of the race- I think we may be in need of a progress report. Let us ask the Lord how we can improve our stride, and how we can fine-tune our technique. May His Spirit counsel, guide, and enable us in our adjustments, and may He strengthen our spiritual legs for the road ahead. And may he continue to give us hope for the end of that of that road, where He sits enthroned in all His glory forevermore.

Fueling Flames

On this, our first morning in Connecticut, I was praying through Psalm 119. It's one of my favorite psalms to go back to when I feel I need to be drawn in closer to the Word of God. Over the past few weeks (with all the moving and shaking), I have gotten very little time beyond the morning to spend in the Word, and so I come to this psalm as a way of preparing for the weeks ahead.

I am asking, in this time He has carved out for preparation, that He would make the Word my utmost craving and delight. I pray the next two weeks be a time when the Spirit does open my eyes more fully, that I may see the wondrous things found hidden in the pages. And as the words sink more deeply into my heart, my soul, and my mind- I pray that they become a blazing fire within me (Jeremiah 20:9). I pray the flames become so that my heart is made holy and my life burned up, and so that nothing but the Lord, Himself could hold back the flames from igniting the hearts, souls, and minds of others. According to Your purposes, o Lord, may this time of preparation in the Word be like fuel added to the fire; that I may burn all the brighter and stronger for Your glory.

O Happy Day!

"for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

He endured the Cross for the joy set before Him.
If only we could get our hearts fixed on that same joy...
If only our souls longed for more than this world's comfort, ease, and happiness...
If only our minds understood the eternal joy being offered us...

If only, then maybe we would seek after that which Christian sought in John Bunyan's The Pilgrim's Progress
"an Inheritance, incorruptible, undefiled and that fadeth not away; it is laid up in heaven, and fast there, to be bestowed at the time appointed, on them that diligently seek it."

What if today, as we celebrate the Resurrected and Eternally Glorious Jesus Christ, we really fixed our eyes on Him? And as we did, what if the things of this earth really did grow strangely dim, just like the hymn says they will? And as they did, what if they then so easily slipped from our grasp in order that we might grab hold of that eternally joyous inheritance? And as we did, what if we find the glory of it all so incredibly beyond worth it?

O dear friends, let's celebrate Him on this happy day, and let's fix our eyes on Him all the more as we go forth from it. Let us behold Him in all His risen glory, and hope in the day when, by His grace, we are raised and glorified with Him.

That Wondrous Cross

I didn't actually plan for Easter weekend to be my last in Charlottesville- it just worked out that way. Now that it is here, however, I'm realizing that the Lord seems actually to have significant plans in the overlap.

This last weekend, I feel I could easily be consumed by my own grief, and just as easily tempted to boast in the grand sacrifice I make. I know I am prone to these types of self-centered notions, and so I am thankful that God has allowed this last weekend to be overshadowed by that which we celebrate at Easter- for it all pales in comparison to the Cross. The grief I am now experiencing will never compare to the grief of the Father as He watched His Son crucified. The sacrifice I now make will never compare to the sacrifice Jesus made on that wondrous Cross.

Nothing will ever compare, but it is that Cross that compels my every decision, especially this one to go. That wondrous Cross is why I must leave everything behind- simply because He did first. He left His glorious throne that He might die for the sake of those whom He loved. He gave it all in order that we might know that love, and that the Father would be glorified in that love.

As this weekend draws to a close, and as this particular season comes to an end, I pray that He once again receives all the fame, honor, and glory. In the days ahead, I pray He gives me grace to join Him more fully in His grief and His sacrifice, that I may also join Him in His glorious eternity. I pray to cling to the Cross all of my days- may it be my most frequented refuge and my most cherished thought. And the One who hangs there tonight, may He be my Prince of Glory forevermore, the One unto whom I owe my life, my soul, my all.