Those of you who know me are well aware that I like to be prepared for things. I'm the girl who grew up picking out her outfit the night before school; the one who started projects weeks before their due date. I'm the girl who does not enjoy surprises; the one thrown into a tizzy when faced with an unexpected situation, especially rain. I'm the girl who likes to think through everything in advance; the one who is almost always prepared for every possibility.
While some of this is rooted in my desire for control, and therefore needs to be surrendered to the Lord's sovereignty, I believe there is an aspect of preparation that is biblical. I believe it plays a significant part in Esther's narrative, as does the idea of divine providence. As I study this book (using a popular study guide), I find myself easily identifying with Esther and the stages of preparation she endures, especially when Mordecai says to her in 4:14 "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Like Esther, I feel like I am preparing for a crucial turning point in my life; one of those hinge moments. Or as the author of the study put it, I "may be one brave decision away from the most important turn in [my] entire path." I find myself reacting to the reality of this moment just as I imagine Esther did- with great fear.
She had hundreds of reasons not to go before the king, and believe me, I have already thought of thousands of reasons why I should not go to Zambia. But here is a fun Bible fact (one that has sustained me throughout the past few weeks), the most frequent command in the Bible is this- DO NOT FEAR.
Why? It seems God knew that fear would often hold back His people from fulfilling their divinely ordained purpose. The beauty of it all though, is that our God does not only command that we get over it- He enables us to overcome and be courageous. He offers His hand, says "Take courage, it is I," and with His perfect love, casts out all fear (Matt 14:27 and 1 John 4:18).
As I prepare for this next step, I am choosing to take His hand, and humbly accept whatever courage He offers me. I am learning to lean on His perfect love instead of my terror, and most of all, I am learning to trust Him. I will pray and fast (like Esther did) to prepare for whatever He has planned for me. I want, so desperately, to be ready.
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