Let it Be to Me

The emotions I have been experiencing lately are twofold, and directly related to one another- loneliness and pride. I cannot help but feel lonely in the midst of all of this. I am being called to do something different than my close friends and family, and am finding it to be a very isolating reality.

In the moments when I feel this loneliness, my pride surges up as a defense mechanism. I find my wicked heart saying "of course it's lonely up here, Beth, but you have to remember that what you are doing is better than those people- and so you are gonna have to deal with a little isolation." My pride immeadiately moves in to fill the spaces my loneliness seems to create, and I find myself dwelling on awful thoughts like this one. Will you forgive me, friends?

I can't help but wonder if Mary ever felt anything close to what I am feeling now. What did she feel like when the angel told her the news of her coming child? Did she feel isolated? Did she have to deal with pride? I know Christmas is over, and that I should be moving forward in Luke, but instead I move backward to chapter one.

A quick aside- I am really not trying to compare myself the Virgin Mary in this post. I cannot identify with most aspects of her life (especially the miraculous conception of the Son of God part), but I can relate to a very small part of who she was. In chapter one of Luke, she was just a young girl who must have been afraid of the assignment she had been given, and so I look to her for encouragement.

I have loved reading through Mary' song in Luke 1, and have been so encouraged by her heart's response to her destined circumstances. She is able to exalt the Lord in the middle of madness, and rejoice in the great things He has done for her. Even if she is dealing with loneliness and pride- she knows the Lord is mightier than her sin.

So I magnify the Lord with Mary this morning, and claim His mercy for those who fear Him. I will trust Him to scatter my pride and put me down from my throne, so that "it (may) be to me according to [His] word," and that His Name may be exalted.