Does This Thing Have an Off Switch?

No seriously- can someone point me to the switch, or plug, or hibernate button on my brain? I literally don't think it has stopped thinking for the past several days, and I am afraid it might max-out at some point in the near future. I have found myself feeling incredibly overwhelmed as I have jumped back into things after some time away from Charlottesville, and realizing that my brain has not yet figured out an appropriate method of dealing with the increased level of incoming information.

For example, tonight Eric brought up the fact that we have not yet started studying Swahili, and that we will need to do that soon. At the first mention of "Swahili," my brain gave a little chuckle. Then, as Eric began to explain why we would be learning Swahili (when most people actually speak English), and how it will be helpful when working with children with intellectual disabilities who have probably only been exposed tribal languages (which can be related to Swahili)- my brain broke out into a hefty laugh. Eric stopped, and I had to explain that my brain found it humorous that he would even suggest adding such a task to the ever-growing pile.

Clearly, brain, this is not an appropriate way of dealing with things. You cannot laugh in someone's face when they suggest you learn things- especially when those things will help you to serve the ones God has called you to serve! Something is going to have to be adjusted...

Tonight, I am asking the Lord (as I have been asking all day) to increase the capacity of my mind. I am asking Him to give me wisdom about how to deal with everything He is putting before me, and for discernment to understand what is actually necessary. I don't want to be tempted into overworking my brain before I even get to Africa, but also don't want to neglect the things I need to learn before I go. So, Lord Jesus, may my thoughts be evermore obedient to You, and may I take captive and surrender those that are not.

It's Official...I'm a Missionary

That's right, my devoted readers, I have officially been appointed as a Missionary serving with Special Hope Network in Africa for a One-Year Term. Tonight, during a meeting of the Board of Directors, I got to share my heart and desire to continue working with Special Hope in Africa- and they unanimously agreed to bring me on the team! I feel so incredibly blessed to be serving along such godly men and women, and cannot wait to pray through and pursue this dream of ministry together in the year to come.

Now, here is the thing that concerns me about this whole arrangement- I have been appointed as a "missionary." I have to be honest with you, this word (especially when it is being used to identify me) terrifies me. I don't know what it is exactly, but it feels pretty weird to have such a label attached to my personhood.

Don't get me wrong, I have not been forced into this position in any way- it's not like the Board members pinned me down and tattooed it to my forehead or anything like that (that won't be done until the February meeting...). I have willingly accepted this position (and whatever comes with it) for this next season of my life, as I have felt led to do so by the Lord. I think it's just going to take some getting used to...

"Until I Fly Away to the Land of the Children"

Ugh. I don't know if I am gonna be able to keep writing all about myself until March- it's tiring, and probably pretty boring to read.

Surely when March finally/suddenly arrives, and I actually am in "the land of the children" (title quote taken from my dear friend Big Staaacey), I will have plenty to write that is not totally centered on me. Then, I will write about the children and how beautiful they are, and I will post pictures to prove it, and everyone will want to read this blog. Then, I will begin to receive packages from fans with hot sauce, and will set up a pay-pal account so people can help fund my adventures (oh wait, I sorta already did that... http://specialhopenetwork.com/join/giving). Then, my blog will become famous and I will write a book and it will be adapted into a film, in which I will be played by some cute actress...

Oh wait, that's someone else's life. And even though I would love to be compared to Julie and/or Julia in the kitchen, my life will probably not turn out like either of theirs. (If you are not following this pop-culture reference, please comment below. I will not only respond with an explanation, but you will also be my first commentor!)

Sigh. I guess until March I will just have to find more interesting things about which to write. Oh believe me, I will still use and abuse this blog for my own personal processing needs, but I promise "I will behave much better in the future." (If anyone can name the movie from which that line is taken, you will be given the My Best Friend Award.)

For now, will you bear with me?

Let it Be to Me

The emotions I have been experiencing lately are twofold, and directly related to one another- loneliness and pride. I cannot help but feel lonely in the midst of all of this. I am being called to do something different than my close friends and family, and am finding it to be a very isolating reality.

In the moments when I feel this loneliness, my pride surges up as a defense mechanism. I find my wicked heart saying "of course it's lonely up here, Beth, but you have to remember that what you are doing is better than those people- and so you are gonna have to deal with a little isolation." My pride immeadiately moves in to fill the spaces my loneliness seems to create, and I find myself dwelling on awful thoughts like this one. Will you forgive me, friends?

I can't help but wonder if Mary ever felt anything close to what I am feeling now. What did she feel like when the angel told her the news of her coming child? Did she feel isolated? Did she have to deal with pride? I know Christmas is over, and that I should be moving forward in Luke, but instead I move backward to chapter one.

A quick aside- I am really not trying to compare myself the Virgin Mary in this post. I cannot identify with most aspects of her life (especially the miraculous conception of the Son of God part), but I can relate to a very small part of who she was. In chapter one of Luke, she was just a young girl who must have been afraid of the assignment she had been given, and so I look to her for encouragement.

I have loved reading through Mary' song in Luke 1, and have been so encouraged by her heart's response to her destined circumstances. She is able to exalt the Lord in the middle of madness, and rejoice in the great things He has done for her. Even if she is dealing with loneliness and pride- she knows the Lord is mightier than her sin.

So I magnify the Lord with Mary this morning, and claim His mercy for those who fear Him. I will trust Him to scatter my pride and put me down from my throne, so that "it (may) be to me according to [His] word," and that His Name may be exalted.

To All People, Even Them

"Behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which will be to all people."

I love this part of the story. Out of all the people in the world, who does God choose to tell first about the birth of His Son- "country shepherds living out in the fields." God chooses a few of the world's least important people and writes them into the most important narrative ever written.

I love this part of the story because it reminds me of God's preferential choice for the weak ones of the world. Throughout the Bible, God seems always to choose the unlikely ones to carry out His plans. I love this part of the story because it gives me hope for my sometimes seemingly unimportant life. If He chose shepherds to be a part of His story, maybe God would use my weak life to show His glory too?

I also love this part of the story because it gives me hope for the lives of the orphans for whom my heart breaks. Although so many would say they aren't worth it, He says that they are. Although so many have forgotten them, He has not. Although so many would argue them as invaluable, He chooses to make them into beautiful vessels of His glory.

Tonight, as I'm sitting by the Christmas tree with hot cider, I can't get them off my mind. I am wishing I could be there to tell them how much they are loved by the God who made them. I am wishing I could demonstrate that they are not a regretable mistake, nor an unfortunate accident. I am wishing I could share with them good tidings of great joy- for He came for them, the weak ones of the world. When no one else would, He came to love them.

I love this part of the story because it changes everything for them. And although it may not look that way for each of them tonight, it will someday. And tonight, I am hopeful of that day- when He will come in His fullness and there indeed will be...

"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men."

IMMOBILIZED! But Not Really...

The past few weeks I have sat with Eric and Holly at their dining room table making to-do lists (you know I love to-do lists, but these ones are a bit different than my usual). During these meetings, it has become commonplace for one of us (usually Holly) to interrupt the list-making with a shout- "IMMOBILIZED, IMMOBILIZED!" According to official Special Hope protocol, this alert indicates that one of us has reached an increased state of overwhelmed-ness which causes immediate paralysis of all mental and physical capacities or, as the yelling would suggest, complete immobilization. While no one ever actually becomes frozen to their chair without ability to think- there are moments when it feels like all of the to-do's have suddenly caved in around us, leaving us trapped in the dining room.

At times, the idea of all the to-do's is almost laughable (the shouting is often followed by laughter), but at other times they make it feel as if we are so much farther away from Zambia, and so much farther away from the orphans God has called us to care for (it makes me cringe to end this sentence with a preposition, but it doesn't carry as much weight when I structure it properly).

Yet, in the midst of being weighed down by lists, I have been encouraged by the very character and nature of God. As I get overwhelmed, or begin to feel immobilized by to-do's, the Spirit reminds me of this from Isaiah 40...

"The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom"

No matter how tired I get- He will never grow weary. No matter how weak I feel, His strength will never run low. No matter how my mind must strain to take it all in, He will always be the one holding it all together. I have learned to love this about Him- that He is so wholly other than me, and yet considers me to be a part of His plan for loving these orphans.

Ultimately, I don't have to worry about the "hows" of this calling. I don't have to remain immobilized over immunizations, baggage allowances, visa applications, support raising, etc. For every thing He asks me to do, He will also supply all that I need to be faithfull and obey.

I Want to be Ready

Those of you who know me are well aware that I like to be prepared for things. I'm the girl who grew up picking out her outfit the night before school; the one who started projects weeks before their due date. I'm the girl who does not enjoy surprises; the one thrown into a tizzy when faced with an unexpected situation, especially rain. I'm the girl who likes to think through everything in advance; the one who is almost always prepared for every possibility.

While some of this is rooted in my desire for control, and therefore needs to be surrendered to the Lord's sovereignty, I believe there is an aspect of preparation that is biblical. I believe it plays a significant part in Esther's narrative, as does the idea of divine providence. As I study this book (using a popular study guide), I find myself easily identifying with Esther and the stages of preparation she endures, especially when Mordecai says to her in 4:14 "And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"

Like Esther, I feel like I am preparing for a crucial turning point in my life; one of those hinge moments. Or as the author of the study put it, I "may be one brave decision away from the most important turn in [my] entire path." I find myself reacting to the reality of this moment just as I imagine Esther did- with great fear.

She had hundreds of reasons not to go before the king, and believe me, I have already thought of thousands of reasons why I should not go to Zambia. But here is a fun Bible fact (one that has sustained me throughout the past few weeks), the most frequent command in the Bible is this- DO NOT FEAR.

Why? It seems God knew that fear would often hold back His people from fulfilling their divinely ordained purpose. The beauty of it all though, is that our God does not only command that we get over it- He enables us to overcome and be courageous. He offers His hand, says "Take courage, it is I," and with His perfect love, casts out all fear (Matt 14:27 and 1 John 4:18).

As I prepare for this next step, I am choosing to take His hand, and humbly accept whatever courage He offers me. I am learning to lean on His perfect love instead of my terror, and most of all, I am learning to trust Him. I will pray and fast (like Esther did) to prepare for whatever He has planned for me. I want, so desperately, to be ready.

Let's Start at the Very Beginning- Part 4

What will I be doing?
I will be moving to Lusaka, the capital city of Zambia, a small country in Central Africa. I will be working with a faith-based organization called Special Hope Network (an IRS designated 501c3 non-profit), which was started by Eric and Holly Nelson, a couple I met at Evergreen Community Church. I originally came on part-time to help the Nelson family and Special Hope by doing development work here in Charlottesville, and have since felt wonderfully and terrifyingly compelled to partner with them in the work God is calling them to do in sub-Saharan Africa. They will be moving their family (themselves and three kids Maggie, Mollie, Sam) to Zambia this Spring, and I have asked to move with them and continue working with Special Hope. Pending approval by the Board of Directors at Special Hope, I will take on the role of Director of Operations when we arrive in Lusaka.

For how long?
I am committing to one year in Zambia. We will spend the first several months establishing ourselves in this new country and culture- learning the language, getting to know the city and its surroundings, and building relationships with people, government officials, orphanages, and churches. From there, we will focus on reaching and loving a very specific subset of people- children at risk and orphans with intellectually disability. Although I do not have much experience or knowledge in how to do this, I believe God will enable me by the power of His Spirit, and through practical training from Eric and Holly (who are significantly qualified in this area).

Who am I caring for?*
Special Hope’s mission is to address the serious inequities and insufficiencies in the care for children at risk and orphans with special needs, specifically intellectual disabilities in sub-Saharan Africa. Reports from the World Health Organization estimate that there are 15 million children who have been orphaned by the worldwide AIDS crisis, and 12 million of them live in sub-Saharan Africa. WHO also estimates that 2 out of every 10 children in the developing world are disabled physically, intellectually, or both. However, due to the fact that most of these children are not registered at birth and have no official legal status, these statistics are grossly underestimated. The reality is that these children have been forgotten by the world, not only in statistics, but more disturbingly in attention and care. Our aim is to encourage, support, and train existing programs, and provide economic solutions in order that they may better address the needs of these children within their community.
*Excerpts taken from www.specialhopenetwork.com. I encourage you to visit this incredibly informative site.

Why these orphans?
I believe that this specific subset of orphans can truly be defined as the least of the least, and therefore demand specific attention from the church, as demonstrated by Jesus’ words in Matthew 25. Most orphanages will not even consider taking in a child with and intellectual disability, and therefore their future is hugely hopeless. While I recognize this to be the current reality, I believe there is hope to be found in the way God is calling His people to act; to truly take care of these orphans in their profound affliction. I also believe, and have found in my own experience, that He is not simply calling His church to act, but is giving them grace to actually do it.
In my time working with the Nelsons, I have grown to love and be loved by their dear children, all of whom were once part of this specific orphan population. Maggie, Mollie, and Sam all have Downs syndrome and were adopted, even rescued from Brazil by Holly and Eric. Their story is a beautiful picture of God’s heart and plan for these children, whom He uniquely created in His image to display His glory.

How can you partner with me? (Maybe not so subtly: the category where I ask you for money)
There is a part I would ask you to consider in all of this: how can you, too care for the orphan in their distress? First and foremost (I actually mean this), would you consider partnering with the desire of God’s heart in this mission? Would you pray for His will to be done, so that these children might have hope for a future? Would you consider searching out more deeply God’s love for you and for the orphaned, and pray for the ability to understand it more clearly and in a way that causes you to act? Would you pray for me as I move forward into God’s call on my life, that I would do so humbly and for the glory of the Lord- that the name of Jesus may increase in this broken world?
Secondly, would you consider becoming a partner who gives financially on a monthly basis for my support? I cannot do what I feel called to do without the financial support of those whom God enables and calls to give, and so I am asking for you to consider supporting me in this practical way. I trust that God will provide all of the finances I need to do what He has asked of me, and am excited to see the way He does this through each of you. (You can give online by clicking the SHN logo at the bottom of the page.)

Let's Start at the Very Beginning- Part 3

Again, I turned to those worn pages to seek answers, and was once again surprised by what I found. As I read, a specific theme was highlighted to me over and over again, and is summed up well in James 1:27-

“Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.”

In this verse, I believe that James explains the basic tenets of what it means to be a Christian: to love those who have no hope, and to seek holiness. The list of verses that agree and comply with this one is extensive and clear, and so the answer to all three of my questions seemed to come in one swiftly transformative blow: If Jesus is going to live through me, I must surrender my life to loving and caring for the hopeless.

And so I come to the most important life update (one that may shock and surprise many of you). I have decided to move to Lusaka, Zambia this Spring and care for the incredible needs of orphans with intellectual disability in sub-Saharan Africa. Most of you will need to stop and reread that sentence, and then check to be sure this is a blogpost from Beth Bailey, and not someone else you know. I assure you, this is something I never planned, never dreamed, never even considered- until God stepped in, changed everything, and made it the most profound desire of my heart.

I know there are potentially and approximately hundreds of questions being raised in your mind, and so I will do my best to answer them in a few broad categories in the next post…(some of you may be thinking I have really gone off the deep end, but this should reveal that I am still the same organized and structured Beth you know and, hopefully, love).

Let's Start at the Very Beginning- Part 2

In order to answer these questions, I turned to the worn pages of my Bible- for I have come to know them as the only true lamp to my feet and light to my path. As some of you know, I am one of those crazy people who believes these to be the very words of God, and have found them to consistently reveal what I understand to be God’s truth and love. As an unsatisfied young woman looking for comfort, I turned to these pages once again seeking the hope and promise of something more than what this world seemed to be offering me.

What I found in these pages was not what I was expecting. I suppose I expected to be advised to consider my gifts, my talents, and my passions in order to pursue what God had planned for my life. Surely God’s plan for me would be based on the specific gifts, talents, and passions He gave me, right? While I do think God gave me these things for a purpose, I came to realize that I was looking at this situation from the wrong vantage point. I was looking at my life and asking what I wanted to do, what I was passionate about , how I was to accomplish my dreams, when I found the Bible compelling me to consider what does God want, what is He passionate about, how would He accomplish through me His plans of redemption on the earth.

I became deeply convicted that I had been living my life according to my own selfish desires and longings for comfort and ease, and therefore began to pray that God would change my heart and mind. I found myself coming again and again to the verse Galatians 2:20, and wondering what it really meant-

“For I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Although I had identified myself as a follower of Jesus for several years, I came to find this verse very un-descriptive of my life. As a Christian, I am called to surrender and sacrifice everything so that Jesus Christ, Himself can live through me. And as I came to understand this, it brought up a whole new set of questions: what does it look like for me to surrender, what does it mean for Jesus to live through me, how would my life be transformed if this were so?

Let's Start at the Very Beginning- Part 1

This series of posts is adapted from the Christmas Card I sent out to family and friends in 2009, and marks the beginning of what I expect to be an epic journey (I don't frequently use the word "epic," but it seems to fit given the following circumstances).

It has been six months since I graduated from dear ol’ Virginia and half a year since I walked off the lawn with my degree in Religious Studies and, even more precious, a thousand Cavalier memories. Thankfully, the end of my college career did not necessarily bring the end of my time living in Charlottesville, nor my time being a part of Evergreen Community Church. Since August, I have been living in Belmont with three dear friends (Maddy Picker, Molly Harrington, and Mollie Walker), and have been doing administrative work for our church. It has been such a delight to continue to be around such great friends and church family members, as well as my four favorite little girls- Alex, Hannah, Awbrey, and Laney (whom I have babysat for the past 2 years). I love that I am still able to go to my favorite restaurants, on my favorite walks/hikes, and continue to bask in all of Charlottesville’s glory.

And yet, at the start of the fall, something began to stir in me. What I thought was a simple case of transitioning-out-of-college blues proved to be something deeper- a profound sense of restlessness. It wasn’t that I didn’t love all that I was doing, for I really did and still do. I simply started to feel like the life I was living wasn’t actually the one I was “meant” to live. And so I began asking the questions that people my age sometimes ask themselves- what am I doing with my life, what am I passionate about, how am I to accomplish my dreams, etc. I had no idea that as I began to ask these questions, I would come across an answer that would compel everything to change… (those who know that I am really a diva at heart are not surprised by the dramatic build up of this post).