Please Forgive Me

I have been tempted over the last few days to quit this blogging business. It's not that I don't love it, because I really do love writing here. It's not that I don't want to share with you, because I really do want to process these things with you. The temptation to shut down this operation has been rooted in my fear of speaking too soon about things currently going on in my life.

I feel like I am in a place where God has started to grow something new in me, but I'm not quite sure yet what it will be, or how the end will turn out. I've had a few conversations in the past few days where I start describing it to someone, and I eventually find myself lost and confused in the midst of my own story. The thoughts behind these conversations, and these blog posts, are nowhere near fully developed and are in need of constant revision according to God's clarification.

For example, in Thrashing Thorns, I wrote,

"The Bible is clear about Who is ultimately responsible for the growth of fruit in one's life, but it is also very clear about my responsibility to partner in the work of cultivating it."

Part of me has to believe this is true- that I have to be willing to let God change me. But if you were to really break down that thought, it would eventually argue against the sovereignty of God. It would ultimately place my own willingness above the power of the Lord Almighty. The inverse is certainly not true (if I am not willing, then God cannot change me), and so part of me also wonders if this idea could be true at all.

The prophet Zephaniah brought to the Israelites a warning of God's impending judgment upon them (this may seem like a disconnected thought, but it will reconnect, I promise).

And it shall come to pass at that time that I will search Jerusalem with lamps, and punish the men who are settled in complacency (Zeph 1:12).

It wasn't that they committed some outrightly wicked, horrifically evil sin- they had simply become stagnant. However, their complacency so outrages the Lord that He plans to completely destroy them. Does God really work this way? Is He really infuriated by things like laziness? And if so, how lazy do you have to be to fall into the category of the judged- really super lazy, or just a little bit?

Whatever the standards may be (remembering that the standards of God are often very different than those we hold for ourselves), God is also clear in His words through Zephaniah about His remedy for complacency. He does not simply pour out some grace so that they can muster up the energy to follow Him again. Instead, He, Himself "will restore to the peoples a pure language, that they all may call on the name of the Lord, to serve Him with one accord (3:9)." He does it Himself, with no help, no invitation, no permission from them. His work in the remnant of Israel is completely and utterly dependent upon His doing it.

God, as the Sovereign One He is, has the power to do in me whatever He wishes. It will be with no help, no invitation, and no permission from me that He accomplishes His glory through my life. My "partnering" with Him (as I wrote before) doesn't actually seem to play a role in His sovereignty.

You can see what I mean when I describe the contents of this blog to be a series of rough cuts. I cannot guarantee that the next few months won't be filled with contradicting, clarifying, and completely controversial posts- so please forgive me. I don't take this lightly, but I do forge ahead with fear and trembling of Him who is sovereign over it all.