Finitely Frustrated

Today, we spent several hours visiting with families in a particular compound called Chunga. We were told that these children each had Down syndrome, but we found that their specific intellectual disabilities were not Down syndrome-like at all. The first little girl was diagnosed with epilepsy when she was 7 (she is now 15), and seems to have some significant cognitive delay as a result of her seizing. The second girl we met had very poor vision and affected cognition as well. The third young woman seemed to display symptoms of autism, although her family had never heard of it.

It was such a privilege to be with these families in their homes, talking with them, hearing their stories, delighting in their children- but here's the thing, they were families. Each of those children have someone speaking for them already; they have someone defending their rights. They have families that love and care for them in the best way they are able. They have homes to live in, even if they are hidden away in them most of the time. And for those reasons, they are actually not the reason I am here.

God has called me here to care for orphans with intellectual disabilities- the ones who don't have someone speaking on their behalf, the ones that don't have anyone defending their rights. The ones who don't have families loving and caring for them. The ones who don't have a home or any place to live, for that matter. They are the real reason I am here.

Today, I think might have realized the hardest thing about living here. I actually won't be able to fix everything. For those of you who know me, you know that I don't like things left undone; I don't like not being in control of things; I certainly don't like not being able to fix problems.

The staggering reality I am beginning to face it that there is just too much here- there is too much left undone, too much I cannot even begin to control, and too much I will never be able to fix. My human limitations will not allow me to care for kids who have families and orphans at the same time; as it too would simply be too much. And so, I am frustrated with my own finitude, especially for it way it affects families like these...






I pray that God would increase and multiple my heart and energy so that I could expend as much of my time as possible to do His work here. I pray that He would clarify more and more what that work looks like, so that I may do it well and in a way that is effective for the kingdom. I pray for the orphans I have yet to meet and care for, that God would continue to focus my eye upon them. And redundant as it may be, I still pray that it would all be to His infinite glory now and forevermore.